your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize