I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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