when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
