is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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