im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
