we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize