you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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