No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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