my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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