i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
