i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
