If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Mom said you looked used
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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