Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
