Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize