i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
