what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
