We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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