The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
