Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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