Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
