is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is my gift to your gina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
