OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
