we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
