woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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