The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they need to just BURY HIM!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
