We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
