i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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