I wanna bring you to show and tell
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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