I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
did i just pee glitter
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
