New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize