Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
