I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
