At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Non-Jews are for practice
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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