i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
