Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
