Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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