My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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