just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
