he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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