Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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