Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
