My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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