ugly people sure do ruin things
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just had sex on a roof
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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