My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
