why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
