I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
