Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
