I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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