We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
this is an emotional support booty call
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
