Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
