Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
