I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
