Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
