I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we made out on top of his cat.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
