then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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