Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
