I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
