allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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