We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
