If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
