I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
