it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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