You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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