did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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