Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
