In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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