Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
