How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
