matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
