i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
