Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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