Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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