a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
