i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
